This misogynistic screed of racial profiling……..made me laugh.  Sorry.  It’s making the rounds of Colorado lawyers and was sent to me by former Judge Mark Cohen.  We agree it’s probably a composite of webstuff.  Don’t know who wrote it.  Except it was not me.

 

Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls for the Colorado market:

Highlands Ranch Barbie

This princess Barbie is only sold at Park Meadows Mall. She comes with and assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a cookie cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented"  version.

Englewood Barbie

This modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar Minivan and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

Colfax Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills. Unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you are talking about.

Cherry Creek Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.

Commerce City Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set.  She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's ass when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

Aspen Barbie

This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears a leopard print ski outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends at the lodge.  Percocet prescription is available.

Thornton Barbie

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gutted Ken out of Commerce City Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake finger nails, and a see-through halter top. Also available with a mobile home.

Boulder Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow". She does not want or need a Ken doll, but you if purchase two Boulder Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free.

Aurora Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

Arvada Barbie

She's perfect in every way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always hunting.

Greeley Barbie

This Spanish-speaking only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Barbies in the back seat but no car seats.  The optional Ken doll comes with a Meat Packers uniform and is missing three fingers on his left hand. Green cards are not available for Barbie or Ken.

Trinidad Barbie/Ken

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.

Nederland Barbie

This Barbie comes complete with real dreadlocks, hair under her arms and on her legs, and even a certain musky fragrance.   Her nose, tongue, and nipples are already pierced.   Includes hemp handbag and assortment of roach clips and bongs.  1969 VW microbus sold separately.