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| National Secretaries Day |
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| For the Paula Jones, the Lynda Tripps........... |
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This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, April 22, 1998. Today, solemnly, is National Secretaries Day. IT is the Day we, as a nation, honor those women and seven men who compose that phalanx of business necessity: the Secretary. Be you a current Secretary, like Madeline Albright, or a former secretary, like Paula Jones, today is the day your worth as an economic unit – nay, as a human being! – is established by the size, selection, and colors of the flowers you receive. If you receive none, you might as well open your veins with a pen knife, for you are nothing but a waste of skin. In the western mythologies, nothing compares to that of the highest ranking enlisted men, the non-commissioned officers. Caesar praised his centurions as generals today laud their sergeants, admirals their ensigns, and Regional Managers their secretaries. She who wields the dirty information, the woman who knows not only all the secrets but all the gossip, frauds, and hotel room assignments, she who can extort, pillage, and libel without qualm or motivation, today we honor Her. She whose lousy marriage is a burden for all, she whose moronic children terrorize the office, she whose oily phone voice is the first contact your office has with the world at large. She we honor. It is true, I am a temp worker for the moment, and on this day of all days I wish to honor the Secretary, whose incompetence, dishonesty, and laziness gave rise to the huge industry of which I am the lowest paid cog. Whether you are spending four hours a day checking e-mail, some perhaps your own, or making private phone calls, or making arrangements to borrow the office copier for your child’s newsletter, or just fudging work so you can come in on overtime this weekend when that cute intern will be there, I honor you for making work for me and others like me. Secretaries Day! Can a holiday for Bank Tellers and Postal Counter Clerks be far behind? |
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