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| Flash! Bill Bennett Announces He Will Refuse Sexual Advances From Interns |
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| Interns Relieved |
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This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, August 26, 1998. One of the great moments in unintended comedy was played out last Sunday on an ABC program called This Week. William Kristol, a conservative publisher and the son of a conservative publisher and his lovely wife Midge Decker, tried to sum up the contempt he and other conservatives felt for Bill Clinton. The Presidential candidates he himself had worked for, sniffed Kristol, would never succumb to the prurient and disgusting behavior of President Clinton and his women. A telling blow, producing a furrowed brow nod from fellow conservative George Will, like Kristol, homogenized hair shellacked in place, thighs crossed and tightly clenched. Will, divorced messily and who sobbed on Nancy Reagan’s shoulder, is my role model for domestic relationships. Unfortunately, Kristol used to labor on behalf of two Republican stud muffins named Dan Quayle and William Bennett. To emote that neither had an inappropriate affair with a young woman begs the actual question – is there a handgun of large enough caliber that could force even the stupidest and ugliest intern to have sex with the four hundred seventy five pound Bill Bennett or with one of the stupidest men ever produced in the state of Indiana and whose wife is widely known to have the temper of a Cape Buffalo, which P. J. O’Rourke says she resembles. It is this absolute and complete non-connection between even primitive sexual desire and modern life that reveals these ultra-conservatives for what they are: patriarchs without a clue, afraid of sex and what it suggests, and hell bent on inflicting their psychoses on the rest of us. Clinton, whatever you think of him, isn’t campaigning to institutionalize his lifestyle on you. Kristol, Will, Quayle, and certainly Bennett are. On Monday night, one of the most annoying and best written television shows, Ally McBeal, had an episode that compared the ethics and stability of a foot fetisher with the rest of the casts’ own means of satisfaction. Some always have to be the center of attention, inserting themselves unasked into other’s lives and events, and playing various role games in private and professional relationships which, by odd coincidence, allows them those activities which make them oddly happy in their misery. When you look upon Clinton under such a template – and I think it valid – he seeks power for many reasons but sex clearly is one. That is wholly understandable to most men. Repress such desire and you end up like Bill Bennett, drinking glass after glass of bacon fat, getting obese and writing books about virtue. Given the choice of Clinton or Bennett, honest people will prefer Clinton, who does not deal with sublimation and, in any case, isn’t interested in other’s compensations. He got his, Jack. |
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