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| Two Gatherings of Moral Giants End Diogenes’ Quest |
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| Impeachment, the Olympics, and Hey!….That’s My Lantern………. |
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This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, January 13, 1999. Welcome to Sunday school. I know. It’s Wednesday, but it is Sunday school. Because I say so, that’s why. Finish coloring your morally uplifting drawing of Senators sitting in judgement of President William Jefferson Clinton. Remember, color the faces deathly white, except for the melanoma scars and the liver marks, and color their hair dark red with shiny highlights, like a Macadam surface on a hot summer’s day. Be especially conscientious about coloring in the congressmen in the background come to watch. For example, Representative Barr of Georgia who is so terribly concerned about our President’s moral failings. Make sure you etch his agony correctly as he stands next to his third wife, who is not the one who had the abortion paid for by a check from Mr. Barr. Congressman Barr, who accuses others who choose abortion of being murderers, apparently was having an affair with his third wife while married to the second, which means he lied under oath during his divorce. I don’t know why they think that, unless it is because he married her a month after his divorce. Along with adulterer Hyde, the KKK member Byrd, the dottering old bigot Thurmond, and hypocrite Livingstone, the Republicans are a glowing gathering of rectitude and moral superiority. Color them accordingly while we move on to discuss an even more enlightened grouping. The International Olympic Committee is a conglomeration of crooks, ancient and possibly ex-fascists, and questionable non-entities whose sole purpose in life is to distribute the Summer and Winter Games to deserving municipalities around the world every two years. Recently, it was discovered that a bastion of moral rectitude, a stronghold of ethical value – the Salt Lake City Olympic Committee, actually bribed the IOC to grant Olympic hood to their Mormon village. Well, duh. That anyone is surprised says much about both our heroic, crusading media – who gain so much by covering the games - and the continued lapse of logical thinking that pervades the general public. For example, the IOC is composed of 115 members whose duty in life is not to get paid – a logical assumption would be that one gets paid for work – nor to accept any gift worth over $150, and to travel around the world adjudging the worthiness of different cities to host the International Games. Gee, just on the face of it something seems odd. Why 115 people? What are their qualifications for reading complicated balance sheets? What are their qualifications for discussing athletics? Who are these people, anyway? Well, the head of the IOC is a Swiss named Marc Hodler. He is 80. When the scandal in Salt Lake broke, Hodler immediately revealed that five to eight of his colleagues had solicited bribes, and that recent Olympic cities including Atlanta, Nagano, and Sydney had paid bribes. He suddenly discovered this. Mr. Hodler – surprise! – is an attorney. Since the games can bring billions of dollars to the nations and municipalities chosen, the competition is indeed fierce, not just for the alleged prestige, but for the moola that can easily be pencilled into any five year budget forecast. So when all 115 members of the IOC come to visit, all stops are pulled, and lavish quarters and entertainment are provided for the dottering frauds, few of whom have any claim to either athletic performance, business acumen, or childhood memories later than the 1920s. The Social Climbers in Salt Lake, still trying to nudge the church of Joseph Smith more firmly into main stream America, admitted their people bribed and manipulated the ever pliable IOC in order to achieve the sixteen day Winter Games, estimated to cost one and one half billion dollars. Around the world, the shock of such a scandal produced such yawns of concern that efforts were stepped up to win future games in case ethical and punitive measures were enacted. Even in the state of Nazi bank accounts, Switzerland, the government is considering bribing the IOC with a $1.5 million dollar alleged “tax abatement” that coincidentally might be passed as the IOC votes on whether the 2006 winter games might go that very nation. Who’d have thought it? Switzerland, land of Ricola, Nazi gold, and these puzzling bank accounts with no activity for the last half century. Ching. Back to 115 members. Can you name any of them? Can you, in the age of the WEB, fabricate a logical reason why all these people need to physically visit various nations? Can’t far more logical and ethical methods for allocating the Olympic games elbow their way to everyone’s frontal lobe? In fact, do we need the Olympics anymore? Should much a moving and tempting target for a RICO investigation be allowed to continue as such a sanctimonious, sleazy entity? Hands? |
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