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| Sorry, Your Honor, I Was Distracted By My Dog |
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| Stephen King's near death was an accident? Near Manslaughter, rather. |
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This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, June 23, 1999. Stephen King, the author most beloved among those who can’t read, is an amiable, modest, and decent sort, far and away the most successful author in the world. He used to live in Boulder and based one of his novels on the Stanley Hotel in Estes Park. He was refused a job on the Daily Camera, no small recommendation. King was hit by a vehicle in his home state of Maine a few days ago. He had been walking down the road from a kid’s ballfield when he was hit from behind by a van. He is badly hurt, and won’t be able to type for about a year, and will be in physical therapy to walk again. The driver of the van said he had been distracted by his dog riding in the van with him. The police said no laws had been broken and no charges would be filed. How, I wonder, is this possible?I suspect that choice emerged from King, who doesn’t need any compensatory cash, and who likes dogs, and who is famously kind. I like dogs, a lot, and have always had one when I could afford to. I like dogs in cars, I like them with their heads out the window, ears scorched back, lips curled in what is without any question a canine grin from ear to ear. I know bliss when I see it, and for a dog, seventy miles an hour down the Interstate is heaven. Especially through big animal country. You can almost hear their brains processing and filing scents for the future. I had a dog named Claire who’d pull her head in every hour or so, get a drink of water, lick the back of my neck in thanks and return to her job protecting the right flank of the Toyota. I miss that. There are people, a good friend of mine among them, who lets their dog ride in the front seat, sometimes on the lap of the shotgun passenger, sometimes in his own lap while he drives. It drives me bananas to watch this. Because no matter how well trained the dog, how smart, if the animal sees or hears something it construes as a danger or of overpowering interest, he will move into a protective stance, which may include barking, which may include jumping across the driver’s eyes across his arms on the wheel. It is dangerous, dangerous, and dangerous with a smidgen of real stupid thrown in, the very definition of an accident waiting to happen. If only the driver was at risk, fine, but it is also the dog and anybody, like Stephen King, who might be in the way. No laws were broken? How is this possible? Distracted, in a moving vehicle, means a quick turn of the head, then back to the road, then slow down and stop if there is more attention needed. You do not continue driving spun around in the seat whapping the dog with a newspaper, or trying to untangle a leash, or just to yell in agitation for the dog to shut up. I do not understand this defense, nor why a prolonged absence of eyes on the road doesn’t break every competency requirement of motor safety. Mr. King was hit and nearly killed by an incompetent driver, the dog be damned. The guy should be nailed, and precedent ought to be set.And this is relatively important given all the new bells and whistles now available to auto drivers. Cell phones. Car faxes, car TV. You were distracted by a dog, that’s fine. Were you distracted by a sexy fax? A guest on Jerry Springer? A business deal on the phone going south? And of course, the great American excuse for all adult behavior: the children. Did it occur to you to pull off the road? Or even slow down? Are these defenses accepted by the State of Maine for vehicular homicide? Man-slaughter? You were distracted by an animal you chose to drive somewhere, this is an excuse? Were you attacked by the animal? Precisely, what is the demarcation line when a distraction becomes an excuse for assault? Also, next time you stop by one of the local schools, count the numbers of parents who roar in with their ear to a cell phone, dump the kids and roar off with one hand on the wheel, talking point-lessly to some neighbor about a social function. Speeding, distracted, and the very first to file suit if their kid gets hit by another parent doing the same thing |
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