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I'll Have French Fries with That, Thank You Congressman......
Our Ungrateful,Bozo, Republican Idiots

This is Dark Cloud on Wednesday, March 12, 2003.

Two absolute morons of the Republican Party in our House of Representatives have decided to have anything French renamed Freedom in the House cafeteria.  This, apparently to show our disgust with the French for not being utterly subservient to our own possibly lunatic administration, composed equally of Teddy Roosevelt wannabes and A. Mitchell Palmers.  In the spirit and intellect of Constitutional Amendments to ban flag burning, mandate school prayer, and drape statues behind our Attorney General, our Republicans now offer Freedom Fries, Freedom Toast and, according a hysterical article in Slate Magazine, Freedom kissing and ticklers.  

French bashing is back.  We’ve done this to other nations before.  Italy once seemed ridiculous because Mussolini – a belligerent and militarily incompetent dwarf with clothing issues – was ridiculous.  And when England sank Italian ships in World War Two, it always reported the survivors as drunk.  Recall, the English accused every unpleasant incident aboard the Titanic to Italians and quote, “…other non-Anglo Saxons.”  Its wartime stories are not to be believed.  It’s therefore fun to point out that the top pilots in the RAF during World War Two, including the Battle of Britain, were Polish, but I’m here to talk about France.

France takes a lot of heat because it collapsed so utterly before the Germans in the Second World War, and then got walloped in its own colonies, losing Vietnam and Algeria.   They spent the five years of German occupation killing each other and falling all over the Germans to be more collaborationist than their neighbors, and spent the rest of the century denying it.  What a wusy country, history implies.  What a bunch of fruitcakes and traitorous thugs.  

It’s hard to understand how the nation of Napoleon had come to this, but the United States to this day owes it a lot.  All the important and good elements in our early political history, as well as England’s, were pre-chewed for us by the Philisophes, and emerged through the mouths of Jefferson and Madison.   For that alone……

The last century opened with the French repaying Germany for the war of 1870, indicating a vibrant economy, digging the eventual Panama Canal, and home to Pasteur and Curie.  It was the medical center of the world.  During the First World War, which was fought almost entirely on their land, the French lost about six percent of their population killed in combat, exclusive of the flu epidemic that killed far more as the war ended.   That was three times worse than the percentage of the American population lost during the Civil War here, and France was not blessed with immigration that more than made up for the deaths.  Further, northern France was a wasteland for the decades.  There was so much buried ordinance, the fields could be traversed only at great risk, and elements from that war were still exploding in the 1950’s.   The six percent killed were almost an entire generation of young men of breeding age.  The population loss could not be made up, and twenty years later, when children unborn to dead fathers could have stiffened a nation’s backbone, they weren’t there.  France had been at war since Louis the XIVth, and it was exhausted.  It still is, because only now does it have the population growing again, although not through native birth rate.

France never resolved its own revolution, and it is still an issue.  France has its large conservative and very Catholic and medieval elements that long for the feudal Man on Horseback.  It has become an unstable democracy because the conservative, monarchist elements have never had to admit their obvious defeat, never had to face the fact that they were the shards of history, not the present and certainly not the future.  Just like Germany never had to admit defeat during World War One, the French nobility still thinks it has a chance.  

Unstated at all times is its institutional fear that involvement in a foreign war could become a civil war – and France has a large Muslim population – that could destroy the nation and leave it under a malign dictator.  That’s not paranoia, it’s a valid concern.  No nation has ricocheted between monarchy and republic as often as France.  Not even Italy.  France wants time for the scar tissues to go away, but like clockwork there are new Nazi trials, new collaborationist horrors, new Algerian revenge tragedies to endure.

It is this fear that motivates France today to try and prevent a war that might start rebellion among its own.  Only the greatness of its political ideas have survived intact through its history.  France fears itself, and the United States’ ignorance of that is totally to blame for our current situation.  We could and should have done better.

Meanwhile, France bashing ought to be put aside.  It is to be wondered if we could have endured what France has; and because of France fighting our fights early on, we never had to find out.   Courtesy, at least.  And I’ll have French Fries with that, thank you.
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